Nemo (AoA)

When I sleep, I see things with my heart that can't be seen with eyes alone.

It's always been there with me--but it happens most when I am "one." Lately, because I haven't seen Ally in ages, it happens a lot, and I sleep all the time. I think it worries Mr. Beard. He went out and I laid down to sleep, and when I woke up he was back, but he was upset because he had been gone a long time and I slept the whole while. But I thought he would be happy because I don't need to eat when I'm sleeping so much--food is expensive in this country.

When I'm sleeping, I'm never alone--Al-chan is there with me. I call him Al-chan because he's funny. He and I look at the same things, and he usually explains what they mean. The things we see are those things that you can't see with your eyes; Al-chan says we see them with our heart, and it's our brains that make them appear in images so that we can understand them and interpret them.

Like, over and over I see five stars. Sometimes they're up in the sky, and they're like little pinpoints of light up against a big black sky. Sometimes they're hidden inside flowerbuds, and then the flowers bloom and the stars float out. Sometimes they're inside fruit hanging off a tree, and someone comes by and takes one of the fruits and eats it; then I can see a star in their belly, even though they don't seem aware of the light.

Al-chan is sometimes a meanie and doesn't explain things. He says they're too important. "What do YOU think it means, Ceecee?" he asks infuriatingly.

"I dunno, it's hard!" I complain.

"Try to think about it," he urges.

I consider it a while. "Well, the five stars are like--five people who have special power. That's what that light is."

He nods happily. "That's right. Five people have special powers that are preventing the Black Samurai from obtaining his goal."

"But what is that goal?"

"Why don't we think on it?"

We drift through dreams together again, he and I. I concentrate hard on the Black Samurai. I have to find him and find out what he's doing so I can protect everyone--Ally, Papa, Mr. Facebeard, everyone. Then, the Black Samurai appears. I dunno what he looks like outside of dreams, but in my dreams he has a dark aspect and is surrounded by shadows so that I can't make out his face well. Sometimes, I dream of him as an angel with white wings; then something goes wrong, and he plummets from Paradise, and his feathers turn black and peel off as he falls down.

"Ooh, ooh, I know what this one means, Al-chan!" I say excitedly. "He has an illness and he's dying. That's why he went all black."

Al-chan smiles at me. "Very good, Ceecee! And look at his face."

"He doesn't look angry or scared... he looks sad. I don't think he's trying to stop himself from falling at all...." I think on it a bit. "So, he wants to die?"

Al-chan nods. "It's also loneliness that made him sick."

One of the other things I dream about that man is him playing a game. I can't see who he's playing against but I can feel that his opponent hates him a lot. I can see two boys standing behind the players. Onii-chan is behind the Black Samurai, watching the board, and a blond-haired boy is behind the other person. This dream makes me feel scared. I think if one of the players falls, then person standing behind has to sit and play, and I can feel that only the person who wins will be alive at the end.

"But why, Al-chan? If he doesn't want to live, why is he playing to win...?"

"Because sometimes we want to win more than anything else. Some people love winning more than living."

The dream around us changes again. A huge gnole is bounding through a thick forest, chasing something ahead--it's a white hare that glows inside. He catches the bunny but stands over it protectively, growling at the dark forest all around. But then the hare hides in his tummy, and now the gnole is shining all white.

"What about this one, Ceecee?" Al-chan asks.

"Well.... the gnole feels kind of like Papa...." I squirm uncomfortably. "I don't like this dream."

"Why not?"

"Because Papa might be sad... I don't like it when he's sad."

"Don't worry, Ceecee," Al-chan reassures me. "Your Papa will be okay." He pauses. "You have a choice to make soon though, don't you?"

It feels like I turn around, and I see Ally and Mr. Facebeard standing side-by-side there, looking at me. They don't seem to see each other. I feel cold all over, especially in my tummy. "Yes," I whisper. "I have to choose which one, don't I?"

Al-chan puts his hand on my shoulder. "I'm not going to be able to see you anymore, Ceecee," he says softly, and I can see his hand is glowing.

"I'm gonna miss you, Al-chan," I say really softly, but he was already gone.

I'm scared to wake up. I wanna dream forever. They'll end up so sad, won't they--they might even hate me. What do I do....?

I don't want to choose.