My name is Kao'nir, and I am the Archduke of Jeuno.
Why Jeuno should need an Archduke is beyond me, because the city's been empty for as long as I can remember. My mother says it was abandoned shortly before I was born. I go there to play sometimes with Jalah, my guardian. There are leaves strewn in the streets and the detrius of years of neglect. It's amazing how quickly Vana'diel takes back its own.
My mother is my regent. The others that remain with us in Delkfutt's Tower call her the Duke Vicarious. There are only twenty or so of us, people who cling to the old ways, my mother says, people who don't want to acknowledge that the Grand Duchy is little more than a footnote to history. The previous Archduke, my father Kam'lanaut, died before I was born. His brother, my uncle Eald'narche, has been missing for twenty years and is assumed dead. That just leaves my mother and I to continue on.
But the secret that I keep, the reason that we continue on in Delkfutt's Tower, is that our line was entrusted with a grand mission.
"Kao'nir," my mother always told me, "we are the guardians of all life on Vana'diel. We aren't like other people. So, we have to protect them. We have to nurture the life force of this world, so that everyone in it is made safe."
When I was little, my mother would hold me before I fell asleep and tell me this story:
"In the beginning, there was a crystal. Its multi-colored light banished the darkness and brought forth mighty gods. Of these, the nature of the division between light and dark brought forth Altana, the Goddess of the Dawn, and Promathia, the God of Twilight. In time, the crystal shattered into five pieces, and the gods left this world behind for Paradise. What remained became our Vana'diel.
"Now, in time, the nature of the division created two peoples. There was a people of light, and a people of dark. Because the gods dwelled apart, the people of light had none to instruct them in the ways of the world. They relied on their technology and built a soaring white capital. They explored the world around them and knew it was good. And they shared a special bond--because they were filled with the light of the crystal, their minds and hearts were as one."
This was my favorite part of the story, because I could feel my mother's thoughts and feelings as she spoke.
"And the children of dark did not have this connection. Their hearts and minds were touched by shadows. They turned to the forces of magic and communed with the gods that were set to protect this world.
"When the elder prince of the people of light found the life-giving crystal, he had a vision of all that came before, and his people shared in his vision. The prince decided that his people would use their arts to attempt to make what was once whole, one again. But the people of dark disagreed, and they warred. When the war was over, the people of light were defeated, and the people of dark exhausted. The warring peoples passed away from Vana'diel, and left this world to the five races that would come of the crystal."
"Mother," I would say, "why did this happen? Why did the people die?"
"Because they lost sight of their primary duty: to protect the crystal. Without the crystal, we are all nothing more than dust and ash."
Then, one day, she added the important part.
"Kao'nir, you and I, and your father, are the last remnants of the people of light. We are Zilart. We are living members of the ancient race that died out 10,000 years ago."
And my life made complete sense. This was why I lived alone with my mother and her few confidants in Delkfutt's Tower. This was why I knew the thoughts and hearts of others. I was one of the people of light. It was because of our war that Vana'diel was rendered barren, then born anew. It was my birthright, and my family's curse.
"Shouldn't we not be here?" I asked her. "Our race is supposed to be gone.... it's not our time anymore."
"Your father felt the same way at first," she told me. "But in the end, we decided that it is the right of life to live. And, we decided to bear you to continue the legacy of the Zilart--that the Mothercrystal will always have a guardian. But bear this in mind too, Kao'nir--our ancient struggles must not be brought into this time. There are Kuluu that survive into this era as well, though only one or two. We must not begin the war again."
"Are there other Zilart?"
"We have all died out, but us two. We alone make up the Zilart race. When you pass on, my son, there will be no more Zilart. So, it is important that you live a long life and protect the crystal."
I was born for a purpose! The excitement of that thought, held so crystal-clear and firmly in my mother's mind, passed into my own, and filled me with energy and strength. My mother's mind was always turned toward duty. She was ancient, and the memories of thousands upon thousands of years were almost overwhelming for me; but her life was so dedicated to one overarching purpose that everything else was incidental. Mother was a woman who served the crystal. Her uniquely long life, and her singular sense of purpose, were bent only toward that goal. I sensed she loved me, of course, and admired my father, but their coupling had not been for any purpose other than conceiving the next generation of Zilart, the child to whom she would entrust the enormous duty of protecting the crystal.
This didn't make me feel lonely. I had a reason for living. And it's not like I would be alone.
Ever since I was able to sit up as a baby, I had Jalah by my side. He was an ancient arcana automaton, a large doll so rusted and weatherbeaten at first that it took me years to get him looking presentable. I could control and communicate with all Zilartian arcana, of course, but I had a special bond with Jalah; he would carry me on his broad shoulders as we explored Qufim Island together, and with a single thought I could move him as I wished.
-----
One day, we snuck back from Jeuno and Mother was waiting for us by the sloping entrance to Delkfutt's Tower with Wolfgang. Wolfgang had once been the captain of my father's Ducal Guard, but now Mother kept him with us as her bodyguard; the years had made his face worn, and he had steel-gray hair down to his chin. Mother kept very few in Delkfutt's Tower that were not the ancient scientists of the Armathrwn Society, now all so old and feeble that they needed help to eat and bathe themselves, but Wolfgang was one of the few Humes she allowed around. "Lord Kao'nir," Wolfgang said sternly, "you really should stop with these little side-trips. The city isn't safe for a boy on his own."
"I wasn't alone!" I protested. "I had Jalah with me after all!"
Jalah reached up a large hand and lifted me down from his shoulders, whirring faintly. "He says he'd never let anything bad happen to me, and that he sensed no life-forms inside Jeuno anyway," I translated.
Mother sighed. "More importantly, we required you back at the Tower for another purpose."
I raised my eyebrows. There was something different in her tone today. "What purpose, Mother?"
"Tomorrow is your twelfth birthday," Wolfgang said gruffly. "The Duke Vicarious thinks it's time for you to finally see the world outside of Qufim Island."
My heart leapt, and my eyes quickly flickered to my mother, reading the truth of his words in her mind. She nodded gravely. "I've decided to take you to La Theine Plateau," she said quietly, and I heard her adding in her mind, "This is a special rite of passage for you. Our people must honor the old ways and the old gods, that they might be appeased and the war will not continue."
"Will you be coming with us too, Wolfgang?" I asked him.
He shook his head, his eyes muted as he looked away, and I could feel his sorrow and worry, seemingly well-concealed. "No, Lady Esha'ntarl feels it is best she alone accompany you."
"Not even Jalah?!" I tried to hide my own disappointment, and Jalah whirred disconsolately next to me.
Mother stifled a small smile. "He would be pretty out of place where we're going. Don't worry, we will be back."
-----
The winds of the plateau were whipping our hair and clothes when we finally reached our destination: a small circle of weathered stones in the far north. I shivered and clutched my black robes to me more tightly; my mother had tamed my golden-colored hair as best she could before we came, and wrapped me in the robes of the Armathrwn Society, but I still looked sloppy and far shabbier than her. She stood in the center of the circle of stones, holding firmly onto my hand, the queen of the elements around her. The approaching storm rumbled off in the distance as she spoke firmly, her strident voice ringing off of the stones around us.
"O Carbuncle! Bringer of rainbows! I, Esha'ntarl, call you forth! I bring the hope for mankind--the protector of the crystal!"
I shrank back a little as the stones suddenly came alight in many colors, and a summoning circle appeared beneath us. I could suddenly feel a presence--as immense as it was ethereal, of Vana'diel yet so much more powerful than me that I felt like an insect. Was this a god?!
A turqoise creature appeared from the ether, floating above us, his own long tail wrapped around him. I recognized him from my studies: the terrestrial avatar, Carbuncle. The ruby-red gem on his head marked him true, glittering in the brilliant light from the stones and his own radiance. "Welcome, Esha'ntarl," he called forth, his genderless voice pressing into my mind. I tried to resist the urge to clamp my hands over my ears. "And welcome, Zilartian boy. What is your name?"
"K-Kao'nir," I stammered, flushing.
"Were your mother any less of an eminence than the woman who stands outside of time, I would kill you," Carbuncle said conversationally. "The Zilart are the enemies of the avatars, and of the crystal."
"That time is past," Esha'ntarl said firmly. "Only we remain, my son and myself. And we stand ready to take up our destiny as the protectors of the crystal. We have no intentions of opening the Gates of Paradise."
Carbuncle lowered himself and gazed into my eyes, his face close to mine. His own were large and blacker than the darkest night sky. I shrank back slightly, overwhelmed. "Is that so?" he asked softly. "Do you intend to forswear the treachery of your ancestors, Kao'nir, and protect this world?"
"I... I do...." I said faintly. "I want to protect Vana'diel! It's the reason I was born...."
"But that's not enough!" Carbuncle said sternly. "This is no longer the world for Zilart or Kuluu alike. This world is peopled by new types of man, by those who stand apart from the ancient struggle between light and dark, and charge into it headlong and without regrets. How can you, one hampered by the tragic history and destiny of your kind, possibly presume to defend the crystal better than they?"
These were big questions, questions I had not prepared myself for. I glanced up at my mother, but her mind and eyes were closed, and she remained mute. I sensed this was for me alone to decide. I looked back to Carbuncle. "Protecting the crystal isn't any one person or race's responsibility... but I have a unique ability to do so. My mother has trained me from my earliest childhood, taught me the histories, my responsibilities as one of the ancients, and I have the whisper of the soul!" I leaned forward in my eagerness, my momentary fear of the terrestrial avatar gone. "I might just be a child, but this is the purpose of my life! This is what I want to do--please, Lord Carbuncle, give me your blessing! Being Zilart or Kuluu doesn't matter anymore, all that matters is that I want to help make Vana'diel safe!"
Carbuncle regarded me for a long moment, then looked back to Mother. "You have done well, Lady Esha'ntarl," he said thoughtfully. "This boy is sincere, and his mind is as plate-glass. You have raised him to be almost as focused on his duty as you yourself are, and for that you are to be commended. But the fact remains that he is a Zilart, and our ancient hatreds are slow to die."
"We can overcome that hatred," Mother said with finality; there was no doubt at all in her mind, and I drew on that, pulling her determination into myself as we faced Carbuncle together.
"Then I give my blessing in the hopes that you are right," Carbuncle said, and he touched his nose briefly to my forehead. It felt quite cold, and a tingling energy passed from him into me. I shivered. "The boy must journey to each of my brothers in turn, however, and ask THEIR blessings--alone."
"Alone?!" Mother exclaimed. "But he is only--"
"If he is sincere and courageous he will have nothing to fear," Carbuncle said dismissively. "The boy seems free from the sins of your kind--the egomania of Kam'lanaut, the insanity of Eald'narche, and the taint of his father."
I started, my insides freezing. "W-what?... But... but Kam'lanaut--the Archduke of Jeuno--was my father..."
"Is that what you were told?" Carbuncle asked mildly. "That is not true. Seek out my brothers--Fenrir, Diabolos, and Bahamut the Wyrm-King--and obtain their blessing, young Zilart boy. Go in peace."
He leapt into the air, his tail wrapping tightly around himself as his form dissipated into brilliant light. I ran after him. "Wait!" I yelled. "Wait--who was my father?!"
The faint whisper echoed in my mind as the light faded from view. "Your father? The fallen one, the black warrior--Kre'oss."
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Neglect (AoA)
I saw a man beating a child today.
It was a Hume man beating a little Galka boy. The Galka boy must've been 8 or 9 years old, though it's hard to tell with them. He had his big arms up around his head and he was crying in a thin, wailing voice; he'd lost a lot of weight for a Galka, and the man was hitting him around the head and shoulders with a switch. He was putting a lot of force into it.
I was "one" that day. I don't like being "one." I feel like a different person when I am "one" rather than when we are "two."
"What is that called again, Ally?"
"Child abuse, right?"
"Yeah. Why would anyone beat a child like that?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because he was bad, or because the man was mean."
"It was a Hume, so it wasn't like it was his papa."
"Grown-ups are so careless."
"Yeah, they have kids they don't want."
"They don't take responsibility."
"They treat them harshly, or leave them all alone to raise themselves."
"But that's what Papa and Mama did to us!"
"So we've been 'abused' too?"
"Yeah, they did just the same. But we turned out okay, didn't we?"
"Of course! We're okay because we're never alone."
"If I didn't have you, it'd be impossible."
"I know."
"Does that mean Nii-chan was 'abused'?"
"No. Papa and Mama wanted Nii-chan. He was with them alone for six years."
"They must've been so happy. Nii-chan looks a lot like Papa."
"Nii-chan is a lot like Papa, too."
"He's more like Papa than us."
"We must be like Mama."
"Nii-chan thinks he's the only one that was hurt when Mama died."
"Nii-chan would laugh if we said we'd been neglected."
"Maybe he's right.... he's 'one' after all."
"But he has memories of Mama."
"Yeah."
"We're the ones that killed her."
"Yeah."
"So, does that mean we're the reason Nii-chan was 'abused'?"
"He's lonely because of us."
"We really are the bad people."
"Yeah, we're the bad people."
"This is why he hates us."
"He hates us."
We're together, but we're alone. I never had to ask what it means to trust someone. I've always known the meaning. The "A" burned into my chest was proof.
It was a Hume man beating a little Galka boy. The Galka boy must've been 8 or 9 years old, though it's hard to tell with them. He had his big arms up around his head and he was crying in a thin, wailing voice; he'd lost a lot of weight for a Galka, and the man was hitting him around the head and shoulders with a switch. He was putting a lot of force into it.
I was "one" that day. I don't like being "one." I feel like a different person when I am "one" rather than when we are "two."
"What is that called again, Ally?"
"Child abuse, right?"
"Yeah. Why would anyone beat a child like that?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because he was bad, or because the man was mean."
"It was a Hume, so it wasn't like it was his papa."
"Grown-ups are so careless."
"Yeah, they have kids they don't want."
"They don't take responsibility."
"They treat them harshly, or leave them all alone to raise themselves."
"But that's what Papa and Mama did to us!"
"So we've been 'abused' too?"
"Yeah, they did just the same. But we turned out okay, didn't we?"
"Of course! We're okay because we're never alone."
"If I didn't have you, it'd be impossible."
"I know."
"Does that mean Nii-chan was 'abused'?"
"No. Papa and Mama wanted Nii-chan. He was with them alone for six years."
"They must've been so happy. Nii-chan looks a lot like Papa."
"Nii-chan is a lot like Papa, too."
"He's more like Papa than us."
"We must be like Mama."
"Nii-chan thinks he's the only one that was hurt when Mama died."
"Nii-chan would laugh if we said we'd been neglected."
"Maybe he's right.... he's 'one' after all."
"But he has memories of Mama."
"Yeah."
"We're the ones that killed her."
"Yeah."
"So, does that mean we're the reason Nii-chan was 'abused'?"
"He's lonely because of us."
"We really are the bad people."
"Yeah, we're the bad people."
"This is why he hates us."
"He hates us."
We're together, but we're alone. I never had to ask what it means to trust someone. I've always known the meaning. The "A" burned into my chest was proof.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Open Sea (Age of Adventurers)
The musketeers never looked on the rooftops. Sure, from the upper windows of the nearby homes you could maybe make out his prone figure laying on top of the warehouse but given the dead of night and the lack of lamps that high, it was a slim chance. Despite the chaos below him as the musketeers searched for anyone foolish enough to hide on ground level Ranulfe was comfortable. Above him the clear night sky shone down on him, the moon half full. Beside him the open waters of the Bastore Sea gently sloshed against the stone walls bracing the harbor. It was easy to tune out the clanking footsteps in armor and just think.
He was still stinging from his argument with Ceelia the day before. What was it she had said? It was odd for him to worry about his sisters? It wasn't always like that. He recalled a time when they were younger.
***
"Hi Nii-chan!"
"Hi Nii-chan!"
They spoke in almost unison and smiled at him with a dripping sweetness that was infectious. They were so cute in their matching outfits, standing next to him at the breakfast table and holding hands. The morning was still young and already it was just them at home. They were maybe seven.
"Morning, you two," he said smiling back. They were always so upbeat when they were together.
"Morning you two!"
"Morning you two!"
Ranulfe sighed and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and went back to finishing the bowl of oatmeal before him while grinning. His sisters giggled and in unison rolled their eyes and put the back of their hands to their foreheads, sighing heavily.
"So what are you going to do today?" he said between mouthfuls of his breakfast.
"So what are you going to do today?"
"So what are you going to do today?"
The mithra giggled again, their eyes shining happily.
"Oh me? I'm going to go eat some bugs in Gustaberg." Ranulfe smiled a bit as his sisters' smiles faded just a bit and there was a distinct pause before they replied.
"Oh, me? I'm going to go eat some bugs in Gustaberg."
"Oh, me? I'm going to go eat some bugs in Gustaberg."
Ranulfe laughed and his sisters did their best to mimic him, genuine laughter pouring through.
"Are you going to copy me all day?" he asked with his tongue in his cheek.
"Are you going to copy me all day?"
"Are you going to copy me all day?"
"I guess so."
"I guess so."
"I guess so."
"Idon'thinkit'sthatfunnysoyoushouldjustquititrightnow!"
"Idon'thinkit'sthatfunnysoyoushouldjustquititrightnow!"
"Idon'thinkit'sthatfunnysoyoushouldjustquititrightnow!"
Ranulfe smiled at his sisters and laughed, the twins in front of him giggling like mad and waiting for the next challenge.
"Okay, I guess you win..."
"Okay, I gues you win..."
"Okay, I gues you win..."
"But that's only because I smell like a galka!"
"Eeeee! Nii-chan admitted he smells like a gal~ka!"
"A big smelly gal~ka, Nii-chan is!"
His sisters giggled and clasped hands over their mouths. Ranulfe rolled his eyes and polished off his breakfast as his sisters held their noses and waved their hands in front of their faces, making over the top faces.
"Ew, he does smell like a gal~ka!"
"A great big stinky gal~ka! Worse than a cho~co~bo!"
They looked at each other just then, seemingly shocked by the inclusion of the big yellow birds.
"A cho~co~bo?
"Yes, a big smelly cho~co~bo!" They turned their attention towards their brother with starry-eyed wonder.
"Do you think he could carry us like a cho~co~bo?" came the question like he wasn't even there.
"Nii-chan!"
"Nii-chan!"
"Carry us like a cho~co~bo!" they shouted in unison, their hands outstretched to their older brother. "You don't want to be carried by a dirty galkan chocobo, though..."
"We do! We're sorry you said you smell."
"Yeah, you said you smell."
Ranulfe sighed and before long the people of the markets saw the hume boy running around with a pair of mithra affixed to his back.
He was still stinging from his argument with Ceelia the day before. What was it she had said? It was odd for him to worry about his sisters? It wasn't always like that. He recalled a time when they were younger.
***
"Hi Nii-chan!"
"Hi Nii-chan!"
They spoke in almost unison and smiled at him with a dripping sweetness that was infectious. They were so cute in their matching outfits, standing next to him at the breakfast table and holding hands. The morning was still young and already it was just them at home. They were maybe seven.
"Morning, you two," he said smiling back. They were always so upbeat when they were together.
"Morning you two!"
"Morning you two!"
Ranulfe sighed and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and went back to finishing the bowl of oatmeal before him while grinning. His sisters giggled and in unison rolled their eyes and put the back of their hands to their foreheads, sighing heavily.
"So what are you going to do today?" he said between mouthfuls of his breakfast.
"So what are you going to do today?"
"So what are you going to do today?"
The mithra giggled again, their eyes shining happily.
"Oh me? I'm going to go eat some bugs in Gustaberg." Ranulfe smiled a bit as his sisters' smiles faded just a bit and there was a distinct pause before they replied.
"Oh, me? I'm going to go eat some bugs in Gustaberg."
"Oh, me? I'm going to go eat some bugs in Gustaberg."
Ranulfe laughed and his sisters did their best to mimic him, genuine laughter pouring through.
"Are you going to copy me all day?" he asked with his tongue in his cheek.
"Are you going to copy me all day?"
"Are you going to copy me all day?"
"I guess so."
"I guess so."
"I guess so."
"Idon'thinkit'sthatfunnysoyoushouldjustquititrightnow!"
"Idon'thinkit'sthatfunnysoyoushouldjustquititrightnow!"
"Idon'thinkit'sthatfunnysoyoushouldjustquititrightnow!"
Ranulfe smiled at his sisters and laughed, the twins in front of him giggling like mad and waiting for the next challenge.
"Okay, I guess you win..."
"Okay, I gues you win..."
"Okay, I gues you win..."
"But that's only because I smell like a galka!"
"Eeeee! Nii-chan admitted he smells like a gal~ka!"
"A big smelly gal~ka, Nii-chan is!"
His sisters giggled and clasped hands over their mouths. Ranulfe rolled his eyes and polished off his breakfast as his sisters held their noses and waved their hands in front of their faces, making over the top faces.
"Ew, he does smell like a gal~ka!"
"A great big stinky gal~ka! Worse than a cho~co~bo!"
They looked at each other just then, seemingly shocked by the inclusion of the big yellow birds.
"A cho~co~bo?
"Yes, a big smelly cho~co~bo!" They turned their attention towards their brother with starry-eyed wonder.
"Do you think he could carry us like a cho~co~bo?" came the question like he wasn't even there.
"Nii-chan!"
"Nii-chan!"
"Carry us like a cho~co~bo!" they shouted in unison, their hands outstretched to their older brother. "You don't want to be carried by a dirty galkan chocobo, though..."
"We do! We're sorry you said you smell."
"Yeah, you said you smell."
Ranulfe sighed and before long the people of the markets saw the hume boy running around with a pair of mithra affixed to his back.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Hatred (Age of Adventurers)
"And WE'RE going to be the ones to make Mama and Papa proud!"
So it was like that, then? Didn't she get they were already his favorite? Who were they trying to prove themselves to? Ranulfe sat with his head in his hands at the waterfront, only partially paying attention to the men unloading the cargo from the boat currently docked.
"I HATE YOU NII-CHAN!"
His sisters were so prone to emotional outbursts. They were constantly turned to maximum voltage and it was sometimes hard to be around. He knew she didn't mean it; it wouldn't be the last time she'd yell at him like that he was sure.
What was it she said? Something about him being JEALOUS he wasn't an adventurer? That was laughable. The Tenshodo didn't need a shiny piece of paper to allow them to act. They didn't need the resources of a pacified nation, either, OR the assistance of the Moogles. No sir, the Tenshodo didn't need anyone to get by, and they didn't since Aldo had died. Everyone for themselves, no central organization here. No way, no how.
Still, someone needed to keep an eye on his sisters. He knew he couldn't count on his father and no one else in the city would care much about the twins who became adventurers. Maybe when he left Bastok for Ephramad he could take them with him. There's a laughable thought. Like they have any skills to offer a scoundrel group.
Leave the skulking in the shadows and things your parents wouldn't be proud of to him. They're the ones people will remember.
So it was like that, then? Didn't she get they were already his favorite? Who were they trying to prove themselves to? Ranulfe sat with his head in his hands at the waterfront, only partially paying attention to the men unloading the cargo from the boat currently docked.
"I HATE YOU NII-CHAN!"
His sisters were so prone to emotional outbursts. They were constantly turned to maximum voltage and it was sometimes hard to be around. He knew she didn't mean it; it wouldn't be the last time she'd yell at him like that he was sure.
What was it she said? Something about him being JEALOUS he wasn't an adventurer? That was laughable. The Tenshodo didn't need a shiny piece of paper to allow them to act. They didn't need the resources of a pacified nation, either, OR the assistance of the Moogles. No sir, the Tenshodo didn't need anyone to get by, and they didn't since Aldo had died. Everyone for themselves, no central organization here. No way, no how.
Still, someone needed to keep an eye on his sisters. He knew he couldn't count on his father and no one else in the city would care much about the twins who became adventurers. Maybe when he left Bastok for Ephramad he could take them with him. There's a laughable thought. Like they have any skills to offer a scoundrel group.
Leave the skulking in the shadows and things your parents wouldn't be proud of to him. They're the ones people will remember.
One of Two (AoA)
Ally and I grew up without a mother.
*** *** ***
"We're the bad people, aren't we?"
"Yeah."
"We killed Mama."
"Yeah. We killed her."
"That makes us murderers, right?"
"We're the bad people."
"How do we make it right?"
"We can't let anyone know."
"No one will know."
"Papa would be mad if we said it."
"Papa doesn't blame us. He blames himself."
"Nii-chan blames Papa, too."
"Nii-chan would hate us if he knew it was our fault."
"Nii-chan already hates us. I think he knows deep down that it's our fault."
"Yes, Nii-chan hates us.... why doesn't Papa hate us?"
"He hates us, too. He hates us, but he loves us too, because we remind him of Mama."
*** *** ***
Nii-chan hated Papa. He didn't say so out loud, but my first memory of him was of his silhouette by the fireplace, small and hunched, the lines of his back and his dark, almost black hair falling into his face, his small hands balled up. We couldn't have been more than three or four at the time, which means Nii-chan must have been almost ten. He never said so, but his eyes turned almost as black as coal whenever they looked at Papa, and at that moment, his form framed against the smoldering embers of the fire in late winter--I knew.
Our older brother hated our father.
Papa told us that Ally and I were once one person, one flesh and one body, and that the Goddess split us into two. "Why, Papa?" Ally asked him, and he held us closer.
"So you would never be alone."
This made sense to me. I had Ally; she had me. We were never alone, and rarely apart. There's no need to ever be truly lonely. I had someone who shared my flesh, my mind, my feelings, my thoughts, my secret fears and desires, my hates and loves. Ally and I didn't want to be individuals. We had small tics that made us slightly different from one another, but at the deepest level, we chose to be the same. We wanted to be one person, separated into two bodies. We didn't want to have to feel that loneliness that divides all people in their souls. Papa called it "Emptiness."
I had Ally to fill the Emptiness. She had me. We had each other.
Nii-chan didn't have anybody. I felt sorry for Nii-chan. But, looking at him made me afraid.
It seemed impossible to me to love anyone but Ally. I loved Papa to distraction, but there was always a part of him that held itself away from us; I think it hurt him a little to look at us, to hold us, to hug us or tell us that he loved us. It must hurt, I thought; it hurts Papa to look at us and see Mama in our eyes. And then the shame would begin again, the intense shame of We killed Mama!
From the moment I became conscious of Nii-chan's hatred for Papa, I realized that he should REALLY hate me and Ally. We were the bad people.
It made sense. Everyone who knew hates us. That's why we were made two. We had each other. We didn't have anybody else.
The Goddess made us two because we have no one else, and never will.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
*** *** ***
"We're the bad people, aren't we?"
"Yeah."
"We killed Mama."
"Yeah. We killed her."
"That makes us murderers, right?"
"We're the bad people."
"How do we make it right?"
"We can't let anyone know."
"No one will know."
"Papa would be mad if we said it."
"Papa doesn't blame us. He blames himself."
"Nii-chan blames Papa, too."
"Nii-chan would hate us if he knew it was our fault."
"Nii-chan already hates us. I think he knows deep down that it's our fault."
"Yes, Nii-chan hates us.... why doesn't Papa hate us?"
"He hates us, too. He hates us, but he loves us too, because we remind him of Mama."
*** *** ***
Nii-chan hated Papa. He didn't say so out loud, but my first memory of him was of his silhouette by the fireplace, small and hunched, the lines of his back and his dark, almost black hair falling into his face, his small hands balled up. We couldn't have been more than three or four at the time, which means Nii-chan must have been almost ten. He never said so, but his eyes turned almost as black as coal whenever they looked at Papa, and at that moment, his form framed against the smoldering embers of the fire in late winter--I knew.
Our older brother hated our father.
Papa told us that Ally and I were once one person, one flesh and one body, and that the Goddess split us into two. "Why, Papa?" Ally asked him, and he held us closer.
"So you would never be alone."
This made sense to me. I had Ally; she had me. We were never alone, and rarely apart. There's no need to ever be truly lonely. I had someone who shared my flesh, my mind, my feelings, my thoughts, my secret fears and desires, my hates and loves. Ally and I didn't want to be individuals. We had small tics that made us slightly different from one another, but at the deepest level, we chose to be the same. We wanted to be one person, separated into two bodies. We didn't want to have to feel that loneliness that divides all people in their souls. Papa called it "Emptiness."
I had Ally to fill the Emptiness. She had me. We had each other.
Nii-chan didn't have anybody. I felt sorry for Nii-chan. But, looking at him made me afraid.
It seemed impossible to me to love anyone but Ally. I loved Papa to distraction, but there was always a part of him that held itself away from us; I think it hurt him a little to look at us, to hold us, to hug us or tell us that he loved us. It must hurt, I thought; it hurts Papa to look at us and see Mama in our eyes. And then the shame would begin again, the intense shame of We killed Mama!
From the moment I became conscious of Nii-chan's hatred for Papa, I realized that he should REALLY hate me and Ally. We were the bad people.
It made sense. Everyone who knew hates us. That's why we were made two. We had each other. We didn't have anybody else.
The Goddess made us two because we have no one else, and never will.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Where Two Paths Diverge (Age of Adventurers)
I spent less and less time at home after they were born. It didn't help that I would always associate their first day of life with her last. They won't ever remember her, they never got to meet her. I do. I remember cold morning at home while he was still out adventuring. I remember snuggling under the blankets while she'd read to me. I remember the way she would pronounce her R's. I remember all of it.
I don't blame him. He had to suddenly take over being the mom in a sense. He didn't know her practicality. He didn't know just how warm to make hot chocolate in the winter. He didn't know what stories were my favorite. He didn't know how to be her. When Ceecee and Ally were born, it changed everything. He had to give up being an adventurer. She had to give up being our mom. I gave up being his son.
He showered them with attention. I would say I was going out and he would just nod and look at me, like he expected something from me. I would stay out late and come home and he'd have them tucked under his arms, dozing wherever he was sitting. He was a wonderful father for them. He would always read to them when they were old enough to enjoy the stories. He would tell them tales of his days as an adventurer, stories of massive dragons and terrible demons and the sort of stuff that used to exist. He was their dad. Their Papa.
I remember the look he gave me when I came home with the topknot. The only two types of people who would wear their hair up like that were the wannabes and the Tenshodo. He looked at me like... Like he was disappointed in me. That's fine. It only took him years to finally show it. I don't think he ever wanted me around. I wasn't his daughter. I wasn't his favorite. After Mom died things were never the same between me and him.
I remember back during our last Horror Festival I was dressed like my dad, the monster-slayer. I had on a replica Aketon for Bastok with a toy greataxe and everything. I was going to grow up to be just like my dad...
I don't need to be like him. I don't need the sanction of a nation to be somebody. I don't need to follow in his footsteps to change the world. I'm learning my own way in Bastok, and it has nothing to do with being a part of the Republic. Let him take care of his daughters. Let him be their Papa. I have my own family, and they actually care about me.
I don't blame him. He had to suddenly take over being the mom in a sense. He didn't know her practicality. He didn't know just how warm to make hot chocolate in the winter. He didn't know what stories were my favorite. He didn't know how to be her. When Ceecee and Ally were born, it changed everything. He had to give up being an adventurer. She had to give up being our mom. I gave up being his son.
He showered them with attention. I would say I was going out and he would just nod and look at me, like he expected something from me. I would stay out late and come home and he'd have them tucked under his arms, dozing wherever he was sitting. He was a wonderful father for them. He would always read to them when they were old enough to enjoy the stories. He would tell them tales of his days as an adventurer, stories of massive dragons and terrible demons and the sort of stuff that used to exist. He was their dad. Their Papa.
I remember the look he gave me when I came home with the topknot. The only two types of people who would wear their hair up like that were the wannabes and the Tenshodo. He looked at me like... Like he was disappointed in me. That's fine. It only took him years to finally show it. I don't think he ever wanted me around. I wasn't his daughter. I wasn't his favorite. After Mom died things were never the same between me and him.
I remember back during our last Horror Festival I was dressed like my dad, the monster-slayer. I had on a replica Aketon for Bastok with a toy greataxe and everything. I was going to grow up to be just like my dad...
I don't need to be like him. I don't need the sanction of a nation to be somebody. I don't need to follow in his footsteps to change the world. I'm learning my own way in Bastok, and it has nothing to do with being a part of the Republic. Let him take care of his daughters. Let him be their Papa. I have my own family, and they actually care about me.
Introducing the Age of Adventurers Campaign!
Yes, that's right, an all-new optional campaign for those looking to shake up the Nightblades RP.
It is now forty years after the end of the Crystal War. The Age of Adventurers has begun, and Vana'diel is changing. Bastok, Windurst, and San d'Oria have all drastically reduced their armed forces and are truly at peace; adventurers campaign for the three nations in organized tourneys and the Conquest tallies as a means of keeping combat skills sharp and the fiend populations under control. With the deaths of the Archduke and his brother, Jeuno has fallen into decline, and 5 years after their death, closed their doors to adventurers. The Empire of the Near East, Aht Urhgan, has come into ascendancy with a new era of peace and prosperity, and Imperial Whitegate has doubled in size as it has become the new financial center of the world. Tavnazia and the Kingdom of Ephramad flourish as small independent kingdoms, and the Tenshodo has splintered apart with the deaths of Aldo and Gilgamesh.
Mai Ikari wanders Vana'diel for unknown purposes, her son striking out on his own to control the avatars that used his father as their puppet. Lyall's children take divergent paths: his twin daughters turning to each other, even as his son lashes out at the chaotic world around him. The young man Sparhawk guided to adulthood finds his answers in Ephramad, hating the "fate" that Sparhawk so strongly believed in and instead giving his life over to luck; and a young Scholar believes she has finally solved the riddle of how to open the way to the world of the gods, and what awaits them there.
What perils await our new heroes in this... the Age of Adventurers? *dramatic music* Let me or Lyall know if you have a concept you want to play for this campaign.
~Soli~
It is now forty years after the end of the Crystal War. The Age of Adventurers has begun, and Vana'diel is changing. Bastok, Windurst, and San d'Oria have all drastically reduced their armed forces and are truly at peace; adventurers campaign for the three nations in organized tourneys and the Conquest tallies as a means of keeping combat skills sharp and the fiend populations under control. With the deaths of the Archduke and his brother, Jeuno has fallen into decline, and 5 years after their death, closed their doors to adventurers. The Empire of the Near East, Aht Urhgan, has come into ascendancy with a new era of peace and prosperity, and Imperial Whitegate has doubled in size as it has become the new financial center of the world. Tavnazia and the Kingdom of Ephramad flourish as small independent kingdoms, and the Tenshodo has splintered apart with the deaths of Aldo and Gilgamesh.
Mai Ikari wanders Vana'diel for unknown purposes, her son striking out on his own to control the avatars that used his father as their puppet. Lyall's children take divergent paths: his twin daughters turning to each other, even as his son lashes out at the chaotic world around him. The young man Sparhawk guided to adulthood finds his answers in Ephramad, hating the "fate" that Sparhawk so strongly believed in and instead giving his life over to luck; and a young Scholar believes she has finally solved the riddle of how to open the way to the world of the gods, and what awaits them there.
What perils await our new heroes in this... the Age of Adventurers? *dramatic music* Let me or Lyall know if you have a concept you want to play for this campaign.
~Soli~
A New Perspective (Age of Adventurers)
Things change a lot in a couple of decades. Tsurai says that we used to be spread all over the world, working out of the Far East. Its the stuff legends are made from, an invincible band of thieves and brigands who stalked treasure the world over, smuggling goods and taking what they wanted while cradled in the foot of the also-invincible Duchy. Its a great story but its just that. A story.
If we DID use to be an uncatchable band of thieves we lost something when Aldo passed. The older guys insist we used to actually run business out of this port. They say that, since the demilitarization of Bastok, these docks are no longer used for industry. Bastok actually closed the docks down years ago but that never stopped us, did it? The longtime members state that to be an Iron Musketeer now all you need to do is fit into the armor, and in the same breath go on about how it used to mean something to elude them.
We're not just a band of thieves. We're not just the criminals we're made out to be. Sure, not everyone here is a saint but there are skills you can learn here you can't learn anywhere else. Not everyone wants to know how to polish a set of platemail or guard a door. I've learned how to do a lot of things in my time here and Tsurai says I'll go far if I stick with it. I think I will. My sisters can sign up with the Bastokan Legions and learn to be adventurers proper, I'll do things off the beaten path. One day I'll disappear from here and go learn my craft in Norg with the Ephramadians.
Who needs to be an adventurer to have adventures?
If we DID use to be an uncatchable band of thieves we lost something when Aldo passed. The older guys insist we used to actually run business out of this port. They say that, since the demilitarization of Bastok, these docks are no longer used for industry. Bastok actually closed the docks down years ago but that never stopped us, did it? The longtime members state that to be an Iron Musketeer now all you need to do is fit into the armor, and in the same breath go on about how it used to mean something to elude them.
We're not just a band of thieves. We're not just the criminals we're made out to be. Sure, not everyone here is a saint but there are skills you can learn here you can't learn anywhere else. Not everyone wants to know how to polish a set of platemail or guard a door. I've learned how to do a lot of things in my time here and Tsurai says I'll go far if I stick with it. I think I will. My sisters can sign up with the Bastokan Legions and learn to be adventurers proper, I'll do things off the beaten path. One day I'll disappear from here and go learn my craft in Norg with the Ephramadians.
Who needs to be an adventurer to have adventures?
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