Indestructible, part 1

Alberic had not been home for two weeks.

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They won't stop bleeding.

He's gone, now. I think I'm free, in a way, but it's a horrible feeling. A part of me is free that was being held back. And as I look at it, I feel more and more horrified. I'm trapped by destiny.

I know my time is shorter and shorter. Once he comes into this world, I will be gone. I saw it myself, over and over. My son. My conquerer.

That's how destiny works, isn't it? You're trapped. There's no way out, until you die. And then... and then....

I don't deserve to be delivered. I knew what I was getting into. It's many years beyond my time. But I'm so scared. I don't want to die. I'm still a coward. Death frightens me. Will I just stop? Does that mean I'll fade away and--that there will be no "me" anymore? Then, it'll be just as if there was never any "me" at all.

But no. That's why he's coming, isn't it? So there is "me" left behind.

But he's not me. He's himself. He shouldn't be saddled with my legacy. A coward's legacy. A failure's legacy. A failure of a friend, of a husband, of a father--nothing but a cursed Prophet that never should have allowed anyone near.

But I had to let them near. Because without them, I would die, and I'm scared to die. Please. I'm scared to die.

I'm trapped by destiny. It's coming closer all the time. I can hear it. I can feel it. But aren't I the guy who makes a living changing destiny? Isn't there a way I can avoid this? Isn't there some sort of thing I can do to change how things will go? Can the magician pull one more rarab out of his hat, change fate one last time?

Of course there is a way. I am a coward. I'm desperate. I'll do anything at all. I don't want to share my life anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore.

The answer was in front of me all the time. All I have to do is change destiny. I have the right. After all, who on Vana'diel is stronger than me? And she'll be waiting for me, when it's done. She'll be happy. Because she would be fine, even if I turned into a monster, as long as I did not vanish.

I don't care who I have to kill. I don't care what I have to throw away. I won't vanish. I will not let myself die. I don't care about forgiveness anymore. If I decide he needs to die, then he will die.

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Seikatsu had been missing one week.