I know you all are tired of reading my blog entries >.>

They were finally gone, the dreams that used to bother her so much that her limbs would twitch uncontrollably as she slept and her eyes, half-open, would roll around in silver and red gleams.

Briddy found she missed them a little. Was this what it meant to be whole?

She bent her mind to becoming a good wife. It was something she had tried to be years ago, back when Malchiah had first proposed to her; she was just a girl then, but she had worked faithfully to learn the ways that she could please him. Cooking, cleaning, repairing armor, baking to the best of her ability--for a girl whose parents had owned a bakery, she wasn't half as good at baking as her brother had been, but she dutifully tried. She had learned for Malchiah, but had never really had the opportunity to use those skills until now.

It was Loo, of late, that everyone loved. Briddy realized this a while ago. Loo was the one Tsiife had lusted for so intensely; Loo was the one Lyall had fallen in love with; even Joundi was tempted by Loo's sensuality and grace. Briddy was just... Briddy. She didn't have Loo's self-possession or confidence, and certainly none of her worldliness. Briddy had never given her body to anyone knowingly. She wasn't even sure what to do with a man (or in Tsiife's case, a woman) to give them pleasure. Yet another skill she'd have to learn, she realized. Loo had managed, so maybe she would remember what to do.

Still, what surprised Briddy the most was how distant the concept of "Loo" had become in her mind. Before, there was always a discrete Other: there was Loo, and Briddy. Deeper still lurked something dark, a shadow in her dreams that was unnamed and terrifying, a cruel and forboding presence--Lurian Cree, she knew now. But now, there was just her own thoughts. And yet, it wasn't empty; the loneliness she expected, the sense of being torn that she had after Zal'deana had removed Loo, never materialized. It was almost too easy, too natural.

Was this how things were always meant to be? she wondered. Was this what someone would call destiny? Was the curse really gone for good? It seemed somehow disingenuous to scrub the worn flagstones of Lyall's Mog House, to stoke the fires and wait for his return, and somehow think: This is who I really am.

And then there was the reappearance of Velio.... Her blood ran cold for some reason whenever she saw him. He could call himself whatever name he wished, but she KNEW it was Velio.

I'm not running away anymore, Lyall.... This is what I decided for myself to do, for as long as I can.