Letter to Kre'oss

Kre'oss,

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, I'll probably end up storing it away somewhere and not giving it to you. I think this is mostly for me, to sort out my thoughts and try to understand. Life is full of pain and suffering, and rather than deny it, I accepted it and allowed it to lead me down my path in life. Creatures in this world are inherently selfish, to one degree or another, merely in the struggle to survive and cope. I wish desperately that this wasn't so, that people wanted to help each other, and selflessly cared for one another. It would be glorious if you did care for me truly, with no strings attached, and no ulterior motive. I think I will just go along with it for now, until your purpose is revealed. One of the most desperate desires of my heart is for happiness, but this is not to be, not in my time. It is not the card fate has dealt me.

Perhaps things are different in the time you come from, but this is what the world of now has presented to me. I do not know anything of the happiness you speak. I see others snatch faint glimmers of it from time to time, but it's fleeting. (My moogle doesn't count, there is something broken in his brain, and more than likely this is a joke being played on me by the registry.) I can't understand why you seem to have a concern for me. Perhaps you are looking for protection, as it seems someone is looking for you. Know this, I am a poor protector. I do NOT meddle in the course of destiny, and this is why I have not passed through a maw to see your time. I am curious of course, but it is not my place to do such things. If I were the sort to stand in the way of destiny, Luzaf would be with me here now. You questioned whether I loved Luzaf; yes, I loved him, but his path lay separate from mine, and we said our goodbyes.

In regards to your friends, or rather the group of people who pulled you from the past. You did state they were no friends of yours, is this the truth? Regardless, I do not intend to hurt them, usually... As I said, this life is cruel, and rather than give up and succumb to suffering, it empowers me. This is the gift fate has given me, but it is a double edged sword, it is very difficult to control, and once started, is is like a cart rolling downhill, it cannot be stopped so easily. Rather I try to channel it, and quite frankly, I like it. So when a person suffers, I embrace it, I welcome it, and allow it to fill me up. This is the closest I come to happiness. Suffering surrounds me, and is my life, my love, my bedfellow. I feel the suffering in you too, but it does not have the same effect on me as others', and this intrigues me about you. So perhaps I want you to stay for that reason, or perhaps I am hoping against all I know to be true in life that you do care for me. I suppose only destiny, life and fate will reveal these answers to me in time. Until then, I wish for you to stay with me, even if it breaks me in the end and you get your use out of me. Perhaps it is my destiny, we shall see.


Your host,
Kohra