My Dear Kre'oss,
Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for what I did to you today. I was not myself, or perhaps I was too much myself. As I stood there, shaking, every instinct within me screaming to continue on down that hall of blood and pain, something prevented me from doing so. Seeing you there, slumped on the floor, with the scene of you crashing into the wall playing over and over in my mind, I finally came to my senses. That I had done such a thing to one I am coming to adore, and who has selflessly cared for me was abhorrent, and guilt rushed over me in waves. It was never my intention to hurt you, only to get away. I have never had people around me to worry about, and it is only now dawning on me how dangerous I may be. You are right, I must get this under control, for your sake. I would drown in misery if anything were to happen to you at my own hands. For your sake, I shall try.
Kohra
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Quick note to seikatsu
(moogle delivered of course)
Seikatsu,
I am not sure why I gave you that book, but I hope it will not go to waste.
Kohra
Seikatsu,
I am not sure why I gave you that book, but I hope it will not go to waste.
Kohra
Response.
A letter rests on Kohra's bed; apparently his singing Moogle had delivered his previous missive to Kreoss, perhaps against his knowledge....
The letter reads:
Dear Kohra:
Perhaps your letter was not intended for my eyes, but nevertheless, it has reached me. It is whimsical, the ins and outs of fate, is it not? I do not presume to know Fate's myriad workings, but it is doubtless that it has within its grasp myriad pathways, and it is but one that has attached your words to me.
Know that your words, although but ink on parchment, have pierced me as keenly as blade does to flesh, and I found myself moved, to the point where breath came shallowly to my aching lungs, and my eyes burned fiercely beneath their lids. For a moment, I felt connected to your feelings, so that your pain became mine, and your breath filled my lungs. I would that they were happier feelings, that the emotions that connected your heart to mine were more sacred ones, but it seems that all I have brought you by my presence is doubt and mistrust. Words are empty to take such doubts away, but I hope in time, my actions will prove to lift the burden of mistrust from your heart and fill it with a more glad feeling.
Your words invoke, first and foremost, the inevitability of pain. Yes, pain is inevitable, but alike pain, love is also inevitable, and the hearts of the living cling to love as dearly as they do to pain. It is not mere survival, my dear Kohra, that motivates the hearts of the living, but the desire to experience something more than mere existence, and among these powerful, elemental forces is love; I do believe that people care for others, even as it renders them asunder, for such is the dilemma of mankind. To Love, and yet to Hurt Another: by the very act of loving, we hurt others! But mingled with the pain, is the sublime ecstasy of knowing, to the soul, that one is loved; such feeling is not for our mortal minds to fully grasp, but instead, for our spirits to acknowledge. It is impossible, Kohra, to be alive without loving, and yet, I sense you seek to deny this possibility even as you long for it with all of your being.
Likewise, you deny my caring for you. Do not be ridiculous. I have thrown away the few certainties that I had in my life for you. Is that not, Kohra, sufficient proof that I care for you? What more must I do to show you, beyond any doubts, that I do care? Must I carve it into my flesh? If so, could you say with certainty that it would soothe your soul, or would it be for the part of you that exults in pain?
Know, therefore, that the time I come from makes the time that you experience seem like the playground of children in comparison; the Vana'diel into which I awoke was, like the Vana'diel into which I slept, a world racked by war, a world screaming in agony in the throes of destruction. I have seen horrors that would make your mind explode at the very sight; do not attempt to argue with me on that fact, Kohra, for I have seen into the depths of your memories, and I can say without quibble or doubt so. In the world of the Zilart, there were no such things as Dark Knights, for to linger so on one's own personal pain was unseemly; pain and such were shared by all, and agony not to be lingered on, as a public service.
Likewise, the pain of your heart that you so glory within is not your pain alone, but I taste of it every time I am near you. The grief and agony in which you so delight to wallow, and the anguish of others upon which you sip so greedily, this also I taste, and I feel your joy course within me all the same. It is the fate of a Zilart to share the thoughts and feelings of those that are near, and even so, it is your joy, sadness, pain, and giddiness that I feel. That you embrace such feelings leads me to feel only pity for you, and compassion; like me, you seek out the emotions of others to fill the hollow place in your heart that no others can hope to touch; and yet, why must it be pain that you seek out so? Why is love not sufficient for you? Were I given one thousand hundreds of years to fill with joy for you, I would, if only those years could teach you the truth that happiness, love, and joy can be as sublime and as meaningful as pain! If it were but given to me, I would try to give you joy as complete and limitless as the pain you crave--but it seems you reject joy as false, merely for what it is, rather than attempting to know it as deeply as you know pain.
As for my reasons for wishing to be around you, do not patronize me by your claims that I seek you out for protection. I am no mean warrior in my own right; no less than I could have hoped to serve the holy Dawnmaiden as her guardian and protector, and it wounds me to think that you consider me to be weaker than yourself. As for the people from this era that have contacted me: they have claimed to be my friends, and warily I have accepted this as a future truth, but I know them no better than I know you; nevertheless, I seek to make Caen'ir as happy as I do you, for I sense in both of you a longing for happiness. I hope, by feeding you to satiation with emotion, even if it is not pain, that you may grow to be accustomed to the presence of others, and that we may together grow to know these people who will one day become so important to me.
As far as your enamoration with pain, and likewise with Luzaf, I believe these attachments have a similar ground. I feel no jealousy in either case; for I am living, whereas Luzaf is dead; he is to you safety, whereas I am risk; pain will never confront you, nor challenge you, nor force you to grow, but instead is a constant knowledge; the dead never change, but the living grow. That which changes, that which is dynamic and mutable, is nevertheless a threat to you, and I can sense likewise that my very mercurial nature is an enigma to you. However, I hope in time you will grow to see that is merely your happiness that I so desire, your peace that I strive toward, and your comfort to which I labor.
As always, sincerely yours,
Kre'oss
The letter reads:
Dear Kohra:
Perhaps your letter was not intended for my eyes, but nevertheless, it has reached me. It is whimsical, the ins and outs of fate, is it not? I do not presume to know Fate's myriad workings, but it is doubtless that it has within its grasp myriad pathways, and it is but one that has attached your words to me.
Know that your words, although but ink on parchment, have pierced me as keenly as blade does to flesh, and I found myself moved, to the point where breath came shallowly to my aching lungs, and my eyes burned fiercely beneath their lids. For a moment, I felt connected to your feelings, so that your pain became mine, and your breath filled my lungs. I would that they were happier feelings, that the emotions that connected your heart to mine were more sacred ones, but it seems that all I have brought you by my presence is doubt and mistrust. Words are empty to take such doubts away, but I hope in time, my actions will prove to lift the burden of mistrust from your heart and fill it with a more glad feeling.
Your words invoke, first and foremost, the inevitability of pain. Yes, pain is inevitable, but alike pain, love is also inevitable, and the hearts of the living cling to love as dearly as they do to pain. It is not mere survival, my dear Kohra, that motivates the hearts of the living, but the desire to experience something more than mere existence, and among these powerful, elemental forces is love; I do believe that people care for others, even as it renders them asunder, for such is the dilemma of mankind. To Love, and yet to Hurt Another: by the very act of loving, we hurt others! But mingled with the pain, is the sublime ecstasy of knowing, to the soul, that one is loved; such feeling is not for our mortal minds to fully grasp, but instead, for our spirits to acknowledge. It is impossible, Kohra, to be alive without loving, and yet, I sense you seek to deny this possibility even as you long for it with all of your being.
Likewise, you deny my caring for you. Do not be ridiculous. I have thrown away the few certainties that I had in my life for you. Is that not, Kohra, sufficient proof that I care for you? What more must I do to show you, beyond any doubts, that I do care? Must I carve it into my flesh? If so, could you say with certainty that it would soothe your soul, or would it be for the part of you that exults in pain?
Know, therefore, that the time I come from makes the time that you experience seem like the playground of children in comparison; the Vana'diel into which I awoke was, like the Vana'diel into which I slept, a world racked by war, a world screaming in agony in the throes of destruction. I have seen horrors that would make your mind explode at the very sight; do not attempt to argue with me on that fact, Kohra, for I have seen into the depths of your memories, and I can say without quibble or doubt so. In the world of the Zilart, there were no such things as Dark Knights, for to linger so on one's own personal pain was unseemly; pain and such were shared by all, and agony not to be lingered on, as a public service.
Likewise, the pain of your heart that you so glory within is not your pain alone, but I taste of it every time I am near you. The grief and agony in which you so delight to wallow, and the anguish of others upon which you sip so greedily, this also I taste, and I feel your joy course within me all the same. It is the fate of a Zilart to share the thoughts and feelings of those that are near, and even so, it is your joy, sadness, pain, and giddiness that I feel. That you embrace such feelings leads me to feel only pity for you, and compassion; like me, you seek out the emotions of others to fill the hollow place in your heart that no others can hope to touch; and yet, why must it be pain that you seek out so? Why is love not sufficient for you? Were I given one thousand hundreds of years to fill with joy for you, I would, if only those years could teach you the truth that happiness, love, and joy can be as sublime and as meaningful as pain! If it were but given to me, I would try to give you joy as complete and limitless as the pain you crave--but it seems you reject joy as false, merely for what it is, rather than attempting to know it as deeply as you know pain.
As for my reasons for wishing to be around you, do not patronize me by your claims that I seek you out for protection. I am no mean warrior in my own right; no less than I could have hoped to serve the holy Dawnmaiden as her guardian and protector, and it wounds me to think that you consider me to be weaker than yourself. As for the people from this era that have contacted me: they have claimed to be my friends, and warily I have accepted this as a future truth, but I know them no better than I know you; nevertheless, I seek to make Caen'ir as happy as I do you, for I sense in both of you a longing for happiness. I hope, by feeding you to satiation with emotion, even if it is not pain, that you may grow to be accustomed to the presence of others, and that we may together grow to know these people who will one day become so important to me.
As far as your enamoration with pain, and likewise with Luzaf, I believe these attachments have a similar ground. I feel no jealousy in either case; for I am living, whereas Luzaf is dead; he is to you safety, whereas I am risk; pain will never confront you, nor challenge you, nor force you to grow, but instead is a constant knowledge; the dead never change, but the living grow. That which changes, that which is dynamic and mutable, is nevertheless a threat to you, and I can sense likewise that my very mercurial nature is an enigma to you. However, I hope in time you will grow to see that is merely your happiness that I so desire, your peace that I strive toward, and your comfort to which I labor.
As always, sincerely yours,
Kre'oss
Friday, February 22, 2008
Letter to Alberic
(delivered by a superhappycheerfull singing moogle with an appearent black eye, to Alberic's residence in Bastok.)
Alberic,
You sir, disgust me. Using such crass and tactless language about someone who is supposed to be "your friend", and in the middle of the smithing guild shop during busy hours!! If you cannot keep such childish and vulgar thoughts to yourself, your presence will not be welcome, nor tollerated near me.
Kohra
Alberic,
You sir, disgust me. Using such crass and tactless language about someone who is supposed to be "your friend", and in the middle of the smithing guild shop during busy hours!! If you cannot keep such childish and vulgar thoughts to yourself, your presence will not be welcome, nor tollerated near me.
Kohra
Letter to Kre'oss
Kre'oss,
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, I'll probably end up storing it away somewhere and not giving it to you. I think this is mostly for me, to sort out my thoughts and try to understand. Life is full of pain and suffering, and rather than deny it, I accepted it and allowed it to lead me down my path in life. Creatures in this world are inherently selfish, to one degree or another, merely in the struggle to survive and cope. I wish desperately that this wasn't so, that people wanted to help each other, and selflessly cared for one another. It would be glorious if you did care for me truly, with no strings attached, and no ulterior motive. I think I will just go along with it for now, until your purpose is revealed. One of the most desperate desires of my heart is for happiness, but this is not to be, not in my time. It is not the card fate has dealt me.
Perhaps things are different in the time you come from, but this is what the world of now has presented to me. I do not know anything of the happiness you speak. I see others snatch faint glimmers of it from time to time, but it's fleeting. (My moogle doesn't count, there is something broken in his brain, and more than likely this is a joke being played on me by the registry.) I can't understand why you seem to have a concern for me. Perhaps you are looking for protection, as it seems someone is looking for you. Know this, I am a poor protector. I do NOT meddle in the course of destiny, and this is why I have not passed through a maw to see your time. I am curious of course, but it is not my place to do such things. If I were the sort to stand in the way of destiny, Luzaf would be with me here now. You questioned whether I loved Luzaf; yes, I loved him, but his path lay separate from mine, and we said our goodbyes.
In regards to your friends, or rather the group of people who pulled you from the past. You did state they were no friends of yours, is this the truth? Regardless, I do not intend to hurt them, usually... As I said, this life is cruel, and rather than give up and succumb to suffering, it empowers me. This is the gift fate has given me, but it is a double edged sword, it is very difficult to control, and once started, is is like a cart rolling downhill, it cannot be stopped so easily. Rather I try to channel it, and quite frankly, I like it. So when a person suffers, I embrace it, I welcome it, and allow it to fill me up. This is the closest I come to happiness. Suffering surrounds me, and is my life, my love, my bedfellow. I feel the suffering in you too, but it does not have the same effect on me as others', and this intrigues me about you. So perhaps I want you to stay for that reason, or perhaps I am hoping against all I know to be true in life that you do care for me. I suppose only destiny, life and fate will reveal these answers to me in time. Until then, I wish for you to stay with me, even if it breaks me in the end and you get your use out of me. Perhaps it is my destiny, we shall see.
Your host,
Kohra
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, I'll probably end up storing it away somewhere and not giving it to you. I think this is mostly for me, to sort out my thoughts and try to understand. Life is full of pain and suffering, and rather than deny it, I accepted it and allowed it to lead me down my path in life. Creatures in this world are inherently selfish, to one degree or another, merely in the struggle to survive and cope. I wish desperately that this wasn't so, that people wanted to help each other, and selflessly cared for one another. It would be glorious if you did care for me truly, with no strings attached, and no ulterior motive. I think I will just go along with it for now, until your purpose is revealed. One of the most desperate desires of my heart is for happiness, but this is not to be, not in my time. It is not the card fate has dealt me.
Perhaps things are different in the time you come from, but this is what the world of now has presented to me. I do not know anything of the happiness you speak. I see others snatch faint glimmers of it from time to time, but it's fleeting. (My moogle doesn't count, there is something broken in his brain, and more than likely this is a joke being played on me by the registry.) I can't understand why you seem to have a concern for me. Perhaps you are looking for protection, as it seems someone is looking for you. Know this, I am a poor protector. I do NOT meddle in the course of destiny, and this is why I have not passed through a maw to see your time. I am curious of course, but it is not my place to do such things. If I were the sort to stand in the way of destiny, Luzaf would be with me here now. You questioned whether I loved Luzaf; yes, I loved him, but his path lay separate from mine, and we said our goodbyes.
In regards to your friends, or rather the group of people who pulled you from the past. You did state they were no friends of yours, is this the truth? Regardless, I do not intend to hurt them, usually... As I said, this life is cruel, and rather than give up and succumb to suffering, it empowers me. This is the gift fate has given me, but it is a double edged sword, it is very difficult to control, and once started, is is like a cart rolling downhill, it cannot be stopped so easily. Rather I try to channel it, and quite frankly, I like it. So when a person suffers, I embrace it, I welcome it, and allow it to fill me up. This is the closest I come to happiness. Suffering surrounds me, and is my life, my love, my bedfellow. I feel the suffering in you too, but it does not have the same effect on me as others', and this intrigues me about you. So perhaps I want you to stay for that reason, or perhaps I am hoping against all I know to be true in life that you do care for me. I suppose only destiny, life and fate will reveal these answers to me in time. Until then, I wish for you to stay with me, even if it breaks me in the end and you get your use out of me. Perhaps it is my destiny, we shall see.
Your host,
Kohra
I'm here!!
Hey guys,
Just wanted to let everyone know i'm on the site here, and have a couple things to post. For future reference, all IC posts for kohra will be: this colour, w/e it is.
viva la RP!!
kohra
Just wanted to let everyone know i'm on the site here, and have a couple things to post. For future reference, all IC posts for kohra will be: this colour, w/e it is.
viva la RP!!
kohra
Monday, February 11, 2008
Communiques.
"The Mithran Tracker Shikaree X is here to see you, Lady Vashai," one of the Mithran handmaidens reported. Lady Vashai of course had already sensed X's approach, but only dimly; it was uncanny how the Mithran Trackers moved without being noticed even by so canny a warrior as Vashai.
"Bid her apprrrroach," Vashai commanded in her soft, husky voice, her tail flicking very gently behind her, her only outward sign of apprehension.
The softest of pads on the wooden floorplanks was the only indication of X's repositioning before the Mithran Chieftainess. "Hail, Lady Vashai," she announced, her voice surprisingly youthful and exuberant for a Tracker. "As you know, I've lately been pursuing the Heretics under the command of Lady Zal'deana in the frozen North. While investigating Fei'Yin, I found an interesting document that I think should be brought to your attention."
Vashai nodded to her handmaiden, and there was a faint rustle of parchment as the document changed hands. "I had hearrrd that our brother Sparhawk had gone to the Northlands lately as well," X continued, "but I thought it was for his own purrrposes. But it looks like the heretics caught him, or at least realized he was there."
"Sparrrhawk, for all of his skills, is incomplete as a Tracker," Vashai answered calmly. "It is not his technique which is faulty, but that his heart is not yet frrrree to the sole pursuit of justice. He cannot achieve the true single-mindedness of purpose that a Tracker needs while his heart is still given over to vengeance." She tilted her head slightly toward her handmaiden. "Please, rrread aloud the document.
The handmaiden shifted reluctantly from foot to foot, and after a pause, began to read haltingly.
"My children, of late these past days we have become aware of the shadowed man who doth pursue us even from Elshimo to these frozen wastes of what was once flowered land belonging alike to Zilart and Kuluu. Fear not, for although he dwell ever in the darkness and conceal himself with high artifice, even now as I pen these worrrds are his thoughts laid bare to me, the true Lady of the Twilight. For what home is there ever for one who hides in darkness from those who serve it?
"Your hearts will be glad, my children, for the presence of this spy is not a curse laid upon us by our enemies, but in fact a boon granted unto us by He who is Lord of the Dusk itself. For his thoughts and the fragile flutters of his heartbeat are laid bare to me; his secret desires and whims are to me as clear as pane-glass; his true nature I now know, and in knowing these true thoughts, I have come to realize the name and nature of the one who pursues us: Anakha, the Destinyless One.
"This lost one, this man without destiny, this wingless angel has come to us unto this incarnation to truly serve our cause, though he yet knows it not. I have pierced with my eyes unerring the multiple layers of his past and seen them truly. In this incarnation, Anakha is known as Sparhawk, a Hume man of some score and eleven years of age. However, this is a mere approximation, for none live who know Anakha's true origins, not even Sparhawk himself; he came of age in a time of war and strife upon this land, the same wars that shaped my child Ta'bael's consciousness. And like Ta'bael, as a boy this man is no shaded Empire-dweller, but in fact is descended of the will of the iron stock knights in San d'Oria.
"In that time of chaos, there were those even within the holy bastions of the Elvaan kingdom those who served our Lord; they sought to turn the force of the Shadow Lord's might with the limitless power of the Dark God; verily they turned to him with unknown magics and arts unfathomable, beseeching his aid to their implements of darksteel and fell iron. Even as the Galka in the south perfected these arts, so did the Elvaan and Hume sons of San d'Oria devise similar worships and ceremonies, and consecrated their souls with blood and steel to be true warriors that walked within shadow, and in the thrall of religious ecstasy, sought to dedicate theirrr purpose to the Lord Promathia.
"It was from these such that the boy Sparhawk learned power and force; but these children were slain in their entirety in the war, and their fledgling movement passed to the Galka Zeid alone to continue; the child fled, and by trickery or art left the Middle Lands for those of the Near East, where he sought to erase the memories of that conflict and of his shattered boyhood by labor and a quiet life amongst the Empire of Aht Urhgan.
"As thou, my children, well know, the Empirrre is filled with godless heathens who serve only their Emperor and their own power, and five years hence, Sparhawk's wife and child were taken frrrrom him in gross treachery; his wife denounced a traitor and burned alive, and the child slaughtered in cold blood before the man himself. He, as well, was assaulted and left for dead, and with his own hands buried the infant child that had been slain. It was then that Anakha's life passed into the hands of the Mithran animists who have ever trained and nurtured him, seeking to use him as a weapon and spy against their enemies, and from there, that he has fallen into the hands of the Prophet, who manipulates him as he manipulates every living creature in his life.
"Anakha is without destiny, and yet the will of the Twilight God is inexorable; remember this, my children. Destiny may be imposed upon they who wish it not, and even he who has it not. Sparhawk's true calling is clearly ever to fulfill the promise of his boyhood and come to worship of the Dark One; we must take this man and bring him without delay to our purpose, anointing him by that same blood and fire into the will of the Dark One. In this, both his ends and ours will be served--we shall gain a loyal compatriot, Ta'bael a novitiate, and Sparhawk will gain the power to fulfill his quest for vengeance upon the godless ones, who will shall convert to worship of the Dark God by the point of sword.
"Capture him without fail, my children, for this is my will and that of the Twilight God.
"Signed underrr the Seal of the Lady of Twilight."
A long silence fell over the Mithra; Lady Vashai did not even move, not even to breathe, considering in a perfect limbo the information that Shikaree X had brought. "It seems Sparrrhawk is in danger," she noted at last. "And he may be beyond our power to protect."
"Why not let this Prophet protect him then?" Shikaree X asked lightly. "Then he will be no more concerrrn of ours."
"No!" Vashai said sharply. "No. Sparhawk belongs to us, not the Prophet." She paused for a long moment, considering all options, her tail swaying very slowly. "Bring me Seikatsu," she said finally.
*****
The morning after Seik and the others had nursed Sparhawk back to health, he was gone, having vanished soundlessly and invisibly during the night, as was his custom. But this time, he had left a note behind with a rather offended Mel:
"Dear Seik:
Sorry to repay your hospitality by leaving on you, but I don't have much of a choice. The other day, Alberic basically demanded I leave you alone. He does have a point--I don't know anything about this 'Anakha' business, or what sorts of danger it might put you in, but I do know that so far, associating with me only seems to bring you trouble and pain. I guess I should've taken a hint from that first time we met, when I looked so much like your past love that it hurt just to be around me. Maybe the gods were tipping us off.
I'm not really good with words, so I'll try to make this plain. Before we met, all I ever thought of was getting strong enough to go back to Aht Urhgan and settle some unfinished business there. I can fake being nice pretty well, but the truth is I'm not a particularly nice person, just an old soldier. But since we've met, I've begun finally thinking about other things--the chance for happiness, peace, and all of those other things that old soldiers never get.
I've cared for you since that first day we met, and really the only way I can show it is by letting you free to not be caught up in whatever black cloud it is hanging over me that's making you miserable. The nice thing about not having a destiny means I get to make my own choices. I'm too old, ugly, and violent for you I expect, no matter how much I love you or want to make you happy. I'm sorry.
My thoughts will always be with you.
Sparhawk"
"Bid her apprrrroach," Vashai commanded in her soft, husky voice, her tail flicking very gently behind her, her only outward sign of apprehension.
The softest of pads on the wooden floorplanks was the only indication of X's repositioning before the Mithran Chieftainess. "Hail, Lady Vashai," she announced, her voice surprisingly youthful and exuberant for a Tracker. "As you know, I've lately been pursuing the Heretics under the command of Lady Zal'deana in the frozen North. While investigating Fei'Yin, I found an interesting document that I think should be brought to your attention."
Vashai nodded to her handmaiden, and there was a faint rustle of parchment as the document changed hands. "I had hearrrd that our brother Sparhawk had gone to the Northlands lately as well," X continued, "but I thought it was for his own purrrposes. But it looks like the heretics caught him, or at least realized he was there."
"Sparrrhawk, for all of his skills, is incomplete as a Tracker," Vashai answered calmly. "It is not his technique which is faulty, but that his heart is not yet frrrree to the sole pursuit of justice. He cannot achieve the true single-mindedness of purpose that a Tracker needs while his heart is still given over to vengeance." She tilted her head slightly toward her handmaiden. "Please, rrread aloud the document.
The handmaiden shifted reluctantly from foot to foot, and after a pause, began to read haltingly.
"My children, of late these past days we have become aware of the shadowed man who doth pursue us even from Elshimo to these frozen wastes of what was once flowered land belonging alike to Zilart and Kuluu. Fear not, for although he dwell ever in the darkness and conceal himself with high artifice, even now as I pen these worrrds are his thoughts laid bare to me, the true Lady of the Twilight. For what home is there ever for one who hides in darkness from those who serve it?
"Your hearts will be glad, my children, for the presence of this spy is not a curse laid upon us by our enemies, but in fact a boon granted unto us by He who is Lord of the Dusk itself. For his thoughts and the fragile flutters of his heartbeat are laid bare to me; his secret desires and whims are to me as clear as pane-glass; his true nature I now know, and in knowing these true thoughts, I have come to realize the name and nature of the one who pursues us: Anakha, the Destinyless One.
"This lost one, this man without destiny, this wingless angel has come to us unto this incarnation to truly serve our cause, though he yet knows it not. I have pierced with my eyes unerring the multiple layers of his past and seen them truly. In this incarnation, Anakha is known as Sparhawk, a Hume man of some score and eleven years of age. However, this is a mere approximation, for none live who know Anakha's true origins, not even Sparhawk himself; he came of age in a time of war and strife upon this land, the same wars that shaped my child Ta'bael's consciousness. And like Ta'bael, as a boy this man is no shaded Empire-dweller, but in fact is descended of the will of the iron stock knights in San d'Oria.
"In that time of chaos, there were those even within the holy bastions of the Elvaan kingdom those who served our Lord; they sought to turn the force of the Shadow Lord's might with the limitless power of the Dark God; verily they turned to him with unknown magics and arts unfathomable, beseeching his aid to their implements of darksteel and fell iron. Even as the Galka in the south perfected these arts, so did the Elvaan and Hume sons of San d'Oria devise similar worships and ceremonies, and consecrated their souls with blood and steel to be true warriors that walked within shadow, and in the thrall of religious ecstasy, sought to dedicate theirrr purpose to the Lord Promathia.
"It was from these such that the boy Sparhawk learned power and force; but these children were slain in their entirety in the war, and their fledgling movement passed to the Galka Zeid alone to continue; the child fled, and by trickery or art left the Middle Lands for those of the Near East, where he sought to erase the memories of that conflict and of his shattered boyhood by labor and a quiet life amongst the Empire of Aht Urhgan.
"As thou, my children, well know, the Empirrre is filled with godless heathens who serve only their Emperor and their own power, and five years hence, Sparhawk's wife and child were taken frrrrom him in gross treachery; his wife denounced a traitor and burned alive, and the child slaughtered in cold blood before the man himself. He, as well, was assaulted and left for dead, and with his own hands buried the infant child that had been slain. It was then that Anakha's life passed into the hands of the Mithran animists who have ever trained and nurtured him, seeking to use him as a weapon and spy against their enemies, and from there, that he has fallen into the hands of the Prophet, who manipulates him as he manipulates every living creature in his life.
"Anakha is without destiny, and yet the will of the Twilight God is inexorable; remember this, my children. Destiny may be imposed upon they who wish it not, and even he who has it not. Sparhawk's true calling is clearly ever to fulfill the promise of his boyhood and come to worship of the Dark One; we must take this man and bring him without delay to our purpose, anointing him by that same blood and fire into the will of the Dark One. In this, both his ends and ours will be served--we shall gain a loyal compatriot, Ta'bael a novitiate, and Sparhawk will gain the power to fulfill his quest for vengeance upon the godless ones, who will shall convert to worship of the Dark God by the point of sword.
"Capture him without fail, my children, for this is my will and that of the Twilight God.
"Signed underrr the Seal of the Lady of Twilight."
A long silence fell over the Mithra; Lady Vashai did not even move, not even to breathe, considering in a perfect limbo the information that Shikaree X had brought. "It seems Sparrrhawk is in danger," she noted at last. "And he may be beyond our power to protect."
"Why not let this Prophet protect him then?" Shikaree X asked lightly. "Then he will be no more concerrrn of ours."
"No!" Vashai said sharply. "No. Sparhawk belongs to us, not the Prophet." She paused for a long moment, considering all options, her tail swaying very slowly. "Bring me Seikatsu," she said finally.
*****
The morning after Seik and the others had nursed Sparhawk back to health, he was gone, having vanished soundlessly and invisibly during the night, as was his custom. But this time, he had left a note behind with a rather offended Mel:
"Dear Seik:
Sorry to repay your hospitality by leaving on you, but I don't have much of a choice. The other day, Alberic basically demanded I leave you alone. He does have a point--I don't know anything about this 'Anakha' business, or what sorts of danger it might put you in, but I do know that so far, associating with me only seems to bring you trouble and pain. I guess I should've taken a hint from that first time we met, when I looked so much like your past love that it hurt just to be around me. Maybe the gods were tipping us off.
I'm not really good with words, so I'll try to make this plain. Before we met, all I ever thought of was getting strong enough to go back to Aht Urhgan and settle some unfinished business there. I can fake being nice pretty well, but the truth is I'm not a particularly nice person, just an old soldier. But since we've met, I've begun finally thinking about other things--the chance for happiness, peace, and all of those other things that old soldiers never get.
I've cared for you since that first day we met, and really the only way I can show it is by letting you free to not be caught up in whatever black cloud it is hanging over me that's making you miserable. The nice thing about not having a destiny means I get to make my own choices. I'm too old, ugly, and violent for you I expect, no matter how much I love you or want to make you happy. I'm sorry.
My thoughts will always be with you.
Sparhawk"
Wedding Info
Hi guys,
As most of you are by now aware, Mai and Alby are getting married, the official Square-Enix sanctioned way ^^ Of course, this means there's a lot of Do's and Don't's involved, so I'm posting them here for reference.
Date: 3/6/08, 5:00 P.M. EST (2:00 P.M. PST)
Location: East Sarutabaruta. Guests gather and wait at East Sarutabaruta (H-12). The Wedding Master will move Alby and Mai to the actual wedding site (which I'm guessing is instanced) an hour prior to the ceremony; Kermadec (our chaperone) will be guiding everyone as to where to wait, etc. We can have up to 36 guests, but I highly doubt we'll have more than 10 or so ^^;;
Etiquette: THIS IS IMPORTANT! Square-Enix will eat our firstborn if you guys don't follow this!
--Don't be late! I suggest getting there early, as people will likely be RPing through it ^^
--Don't move around much, they don't like that.
--Don't do unnecessary things like fighting mobs, summoning NPCs (no, Sparky can't come to the wedding, sorry Tsiife), casting spells, synthing, being disruptive, etc. etc. The WM prefers it to be quiet and will keep the ceremony moving! The entire ceremony doesn't last long, it's only like 10 minutes long, so please be on your best behavior ^^
--NO talking in /shout, or excessive emoting or /say.
--Girls, don't wear any opaline! I know this is an odd rule, but apparently it's out of respect for the bride ^^;; Not even the little flower headpieces, sorry
Attire: FESTIVE!
--No weapons, either in main or in sub, so no shields! Ranged or ammo pieces are okay since they're not visible. Remember, it's a wedding, you wouldn't go armed to a wedding!
--Linkpearls are okay, and I'd recommend the NBs go IC on LS for the ceremony, we can put extra emotes and /say stuff there so that it doesn't disrupt the ceremony :)
Schedule:
--An hour before the ceremony, Mai, Kerm, and Alby will be pulled into the instanced area to meet with the WM and chitchat about how things will go. The WM will take our fees and give Mai her wedding set, and both of us our rings. We'll also get fun stuff for our guests to hand out!
--We'll be able to see /say chitchat while we're in the meeting, but we won't be able to see you guys ^^;; I'm counting on Seik to keep everyone in the meeting area and hopefully ready to head into the instance when the WM gives the word.
--Kerm will help everyone to their seats, and once everyone is seated (I'm guessing in neat rows, SE likes this stuff remember!), there will be a wedding procession, and everyone be sure to watch our blushing bride approach the altar ^^
--At the end of the ceremony, we get to kiss ;P Then our guests can let all hell loose and the partay begins D: It seems to be traditional to pop your 2-hour and all JAs at this time (don't ask me, but I've seen it multiple times XD).
I know Mai and I are both really looking forward to this ^^ So let's show our best behavior and have a real roleplay wedding worthy of the Nightblades ^^
~Soli~
As most of you are by now aware, Mai and Alby are getting married, the official Square-Enix sanctioned way ^^ Of course, this means there's a lot of Do's and Don't's involved, so I'm posting them here for reference.
Date: 3/6/08, 5:00 P.M. EST (2:00 P.M. PST)
Location: East Sarutabaruta. Guests gather and wait at East Sarutabaruta (H-12). The Wedding Master will move Alby and Mai to the actual wedding site (which I'm guessing is instanced) an hour prior to the ceremony; Kermadec (our chaperone) will be guiding everyone as to where to wait, etc. We can have up to 36 guests, but I highly doubt we'll have more than 10 or so ^^;;
Etiquette: THIS IS IMPORTANT! Square-Enix will eat our firstborn if you guys don't follow this!
--Don't be late! I suggest getting there early, as people will likely be RPing through it ^^
--Don't move around much, they don't like that.
--Don't do unnecessary things like fighting mobs, summoning NPCs (no, Sparky can't come to the wedding, sorry Tsiife), casting spells, synthing, being disruptive, etc. etc. The WM prefers it to be quiet and will keep the ceremony moving! The entire ceremony doesn't last long, it's only like 10 minutes long, so please be on your best behavior ^^
--NO talking in /shout, or excessive emoting or /say.
--Girls, don't wear any opaline! I know this is an odd rule, but apparently it's out of respect for the bride ^^;; Not even the little flower headpieces, sorry
Attire: FESTIVE!
--No weapons, either in main or in sub, so no shields! Ranged or ammo pieces are okay since they're not visible. Remember, it's a wedding, you wouldn't go armed to a wedding!
--Linkpearls are okay, and I'd recommend the NBs go IC on LS for the ceremony, we can put extra emotes and /say stuff there so that it doesn't disrupt the ceremony :)
Schedule:
--An hour before the ceremony, Mai, Kerm, and Alby will be pulled into the instanced area to meet with the WM and chitchat about how things will go. The WM will take our fees and give Mai her wedding set, and both of us our rings. We'll also get fun stuff for our guests to hand out!
--We'll be able to see /say chitchat while we're in the meeting, but we won't be able to see you guys ^^;; I'm counting on Seik to keep everyone in the meeting area and hopefully ready to head into the instance when the WM gives the word.
--Kerm will help everyone to their seats, and once everyone is seated (I'm guessing in neat rows, SE likes this stuff remember!), there will be a wedding procession, and everyone be sure to watch our blushing bride approach the altar ^^
--At the end of the ceremony, we get to kiss ;P Then our guests can let all hell loose and the partay begins D: It seems to be traditional to pop your 2-hour and all JAs at this time (don't ask me, but I've seen it multiple times XD).
I know Mai and I are both really looking forward to this ^^ So let's show our best behavior and have a real roleplay wedding worthy of the Nightblades ^^
~Soli~
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Upcoming fun.
((Sorry I haven't posted lately guys.... schoolwork's been very draining T.T))
Dear Journal:
When opening my voluminous amounts of fanmail every day, I get a lot of questions saying, "Hey Alberic. I know I can never be as cool or sexy as you are, but can you at least tell me how to see the future like you do? Love, kisses, and sex, Nameoffanhere." (It's usually a sexy Mithra too.)
So I'm going to dedicate some precious journal space to answering that question. Sorry, but not everyone can see the future like I can. Oh, there are ways to get at the right sorts of answers, like fortune-telling, divination, learning to read signs and omens, things like that--the Samurai do something like that when they enter their meditative trances and use their chi to blah blah blah Third Eye. They can see very short amounts of time into the future by setting their conscious minds into some sort of trance and attuning themselves to Vana'diel--to all existence--for brief amounts of time. The reason that works though is because they're only looking a few seconds in advance, maybe 30 seconds at the most. The further ahead you try to look, the more possible futures interfere with your vision, and in case you haven't noticed, it's all those possible futures (or just plain ol' human stupidity) that makes fortune-telling and divinations so unreliable.
The reason I'M so good at what I do is that, when I truly focus, I can see multitudes upon multitudes of possible futures. This is different than what I do when I just look at someone and am like, "Oh hay, better not step in that mud puddle later, har har!" Whenever I meet someone, or am around them for a while, I can usually see little flashes around them of their pasts, and their potential futures. But this isn't true Seeing. These tend to be fairly inaccurate, since my mind isn't focused on what I'm doing, and since that's usually just the result of fluctuations in their destinies due to being around my sexy self.
True Seeing is somewhat... different. Like a Samurai, I have to put myself into a certain state of mind. I have to suspend the conscious mind in some way. Sometimes I do this chemically. Sometimes I simply meditate or even sleep, though I've learned to be wary of prophetic dreams since those tend to have... outside interference. Sometimes I can just downshift my conscious mind and draw on something, or write, or whatever. But the most powerful and effective way of Seeing is to put myself into a full-on prophetic Trance.
These trances are serious business. I had to be taught how to do them by my Master when I was eighteen or so, and the first few times I did it, I screamed in pain through the entire thing. They are physically excruciating, and draw on my Master's power quite a bit, so my lifespan... shortens pretty significantly every time I use this technique, perhaps as much as five or seven years each time. I've only entered six full-on trances in my life, two in training, two at the behest of my Master, and two voluntarily. I'll try to describe how these work.
The first element is sound. The second is wind. The third is fire. The sound is what triggers the trance--my mind shuts down, and my soul is pried upon like a sealed jar; I become a living conduit for the fire, so that what is Seen (well, what is FELT more than seen) is burned onto my soul like a design etched onto steel. I can never forget the things I See in these trances. The wind is created artificially by the power, but it is necessary because it links my soul with reality. It keeps me grounded, too; it's altogether possible that my consciousness, my sanity, my spirit could just be lost to the immensity of All That Is when I'm completely exposed in such a way. It's hard to describe if you haven't felt that intensity, but imagine a single drop of colored ink being dropped down into the center of a swirling vortex whirlpool comprised of the entire ocean. The ink's color is quickly torn apart and lost within all of that. Even the very atoms that comprise my body could be torn apart, and that would mean Very Bad Things if that happened, not only to me but to everything around me if that happened.
So, the third element is fire, and that's where my Master comes in. One of the reasons he uses human puppets for this sort of work is the danger, but he incurs a lot of risk, too; I use almost all of his power to go into one of these trances, and he could be badly damaged as well if I did it wrong. Channeling my Master's power is, as is pretty obvious, not a fun experience for me, so hence the pain. During the trance proper, since my consciousness is put aside, I usually can't feel the pain, but the intensity of the experience and the physical agony tend to combine. Unfortunately, whatever it is I see, you get the most accurate results if I can speak during the trance so that I don't lose anything by translating it consciously.
What sorts of things do I see? Well as I mentioned before, it's not really SEEING, it's like every particle of my body is experiencing it. Past, present, hundreds and thousands of futures all blurring together, flashes of this and that, but they all make sense, because in these trances I can see the latticework of how past becomes present becomes a few near futures becomes infinite possible far futures. It's like chaos, yet not, a constantly moving, shifting, infinitely complex matrix woven not by gods, goddesses, or even crystals, but willing ITSELF into being. I trace that latticework with my rough fingers, trying to comprehend any of it, trying to not lose myself within it, trying to find the specific thing that I need to know, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can discover how one ilm or two ilms interlock and are related. That's my job, in a nutshell--one or two ilms of truth.
Speaking of truth, I need to talk to Seik soon. And... I'm getting married soon! Yes, sorry ladies, I'm about to be off the market permanently, haha. Until next time kiddos, stay black.
Alberic
Dear Journal:
When opening my voluminous amounts of fanmail every day, I get a lot of questions saying, "Hey Alberic. I know I can never be as cool or sexy as you are, but can you at least tell me how to see the future like you do? Love, kisses, and sex, Nameoffanhere." (It's usually a sexy Mithra too.)
So I'm going to dedicate some precious journal space to answering that question. Sorry, but not everyone can see the future like I can. Oh, there are ways to get at the right sorts of answers, like fortune-telling, divination, learning to read signs and omens, things like that--the Samurai do something like that when they enter their meditative trances and use their chi to blah blah blah Third Eye. They can see very short amounts of time into the future by setting their conscious minds into some sort of trance and attuning themselves to Vana'diel--to all existence--for brief amounts of time. The reason that works though is because they're only looking a few seconds in advance, maybe 30 seconds at the most. The further ahead you try to look, the more possible futures interfere with your vision, and in case you haven't noticed, it's all those possible futures (or just plain ol' human stupidity) that makes fortune-telling and divinations so unreliable.
The reason I'M so good at what I do is that, when I truly focus, I can see multitudes upon multitudes of possible futures. This is different than what I do when I just look at someone and am like, "Oh hay, better not step in that mud puddle later, har har!" Whenever I meet someone, or am around them for a while, I can usually see little flashes around them of their pasts, and their potential futures. But this isn't true Seeing. These tend to be fairly inaccurate, since my mind isn't focused on what I'm doing, and since that's usually just the result of fluctuations in their destinies due to being around my sexy self.
True Seeing is somewhat... different. Like a Samurai, I have to put myself into a certain state of mind. I have to suspend the conscious mind in some way. Sometimes I do this chemically. Sometimes I simply meditate or even sleep, though I've learned to be wary of prophetic dreams since those tend to have... outside interference. Sometimes I can just downshift my conscious mind and draw on something, or write, or whatever. But the most powerful and effective way of Seeing is to put myself into a full-on prophetic Trance.
These trances are serious business. I had to be taught how to do them by my Master when I was eighteen or so, and the first few times I did it, I screamed in pain through the entire thing. They are physically excruciating, and draw on my Master's power quite a bit, so my lifespan... shortens pretty significantly every time I use this technique, perhaps as much as five or seven years each time. I've only entered six full-on trances in my life, two in training, two at the behest of my Master, and two voluntarily. I'll try to describe how these work.
The first element is sound. The second is wind. The third is fire. The sound is what triggers the trance--my mind shuts down, and my soul is pried upon like a sealed jar; I become a living conduit for the fire, so that what is Seen (well, what is FELT more than seen) is burned onto my soul like a design etched onto steel. I can never forget the things I See in these trances. The wind is created artificially by the power, but it is necessary because it links my soul with reality. It keeps me grounded, too; it's altogether possible that my consciousness, my sanity, my spirit could just be lost to the immensity of All That Is when I'm completely exposed in such a way. It's hard to describe if you haven't felt that intensity, but imagine a single drop of colored ink being dropped down into the center of a swirling vortex whirlpool comprised of the entire ocean. The ink's color is quickly torn apart and lost within all of that. Even the very atoms that comprise my body could be torn apart, and that would mean Very Bad Things if that happened, not only to me but to everything around me if that happened.
So, the third element is fire, and that's where my Master comes in. One of the reasons he uses human puppets for this sort of work is the danger, but he incurs a lot of risk, too; I use almost all of his power to go into one of these trances, and he could be badly damaged as well if I did it wrong. Channeling my Master's power is, as is pretty obvious, not a fun experience for me, so hence the pain. During the trance proper, since my consciousness is put aside, I usually can't feel the pain, but the intensity of the experience and the physical agony tend to combine. Unfortunately, whatever it is I see, you get the most accurate results if I can speak during the trance so that I don't lose anything by translating it consciously.
What sorts of things do I see? Well as I mentioned before, it's not really SEEING, it's like every particle of my body is experiencing it. Past, present, hundreds and thousands of futures all blurring together, flashes of this and that, but they all make sense, because in these trances I can see the latticework of how past becomes present becomes a few near futures becomes infinite possible far futures. It's like chaos, yet not, a constantly moving, shifting, infinitely complex matrix woven not by gods, goddesses, or even crystals, but willing ITSELF into being. I trace that latticework with my rough fingers, trying to comprehend any of it, trying to not lose myself within it, trying to find the specific thing that I need to know, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can discover how one ilm or two ilms interlock and are related. That's my job, in a nutshell--one or two ilms of truth.
Speaking of truth, I need to talk to Seik soon. And... I'm getting married soon! Yes, sorry ladies, I'm about to be off the market permanently, haha. Until next time kiddos, stay black.
Alberic
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