Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Note Book 10 Page 14-17

I was visited by the taru known as Solitia in my mog house. Her sudden appearance frightening me into a corner. Her presence was very dark and almost unbearable as she floated before me. She said she brought news from the new wyrm king, Alberic. My heart sank as she spoke of how the armada was mostly destroyed and the city of Jeuno lay in ruin. I wished hard, hoping this wasn't happening... That it was only a bad dream, though I knew it wasn't.

Solitia then spoke of the crystal that Alberic had given me several months ago. I pulled my bag off the bed and fished out the stone, still tightly bound in the leather strips around it, hiding its image from view. Solitia said that it could be used against Alberic if all our other efforts failed to bring him down. I could feel every ounce of strength in my body draining away as I stared silently at the stone. I couldn't bring myself to use this thing on Alberic... I just couldn't...

My mind began racing as I could feel fear and confusion setting in. I put the stone back in my bag, the voices of worry from the monsters I knew fading from my thoughts, I could only hear Solitia talking. She spoke of how I wasn't living up to my potential, of how my passivity is holding me back from greatness, of how I was thinking like a child in wishing that this wasn't happening, and wanting to save both my friend and the world... She was right, I am weak... I felt powerless and frail before her. Her words lashing at my heart, driving deep gouges into it... She then turned to leave, offering her final words that in using the crystal against Alberic that it would cause his world of pain and suffering to end.

I felt numb as she left and collapsed to the floor beginning to cry quietly to myself. I couldn't fight my friend, I couldn't bring myself to facing him... I don't know how long I was laying there, but soon I could feel the others around me, asking me questions. I can't remember what I was thinking at that time. I know I answered their questions as best I could about what the stone was given to me for. Alberic never explained exactly how it worked because he didn't want me to chicken out and not use it. My thoughts were floating and I couldn't focus. I needed a place to go think... I asked the others to leave my mog house so I could lock the door and go somewhere.

Once outside I bid them goodbye and teleported myself to the crag of Holla. As I headed to the dimensional rift at the south side of the crag, I couldn't help but stop for a moment and stare at the remnants of the giant footprints imprinted in the earth, where once a giant dragon had landed. The image of that rainy day flashed back into my mind for a moment before I passed through the rift into the realm of Al'Taieu. I made my way deep into Ru'Hmet and used the elevator to go down to the Empyreal Paradox.

I sat there before the Transcendental Radiance for a long time, thinking, wishing for an answer that didn't involve harming those that I cared so much. That answer, like the answers to the questions Alberic always asked me, never came. If the weapon of the avatars failed and I had to use the crystal, could I bring myself to do it? Or would I hesitate... Causing others around me to fall... Solitia said that because Alberic could see the future, perhaps he knew all along that this would happen. Why did he give the stone to me? Mai and Tsiife have far more powerful wills... Caenir is stronger than me. Or did he give it to me because I am weak..? Because he knew I could never bring myself to stand in his way? These thoughts hurt...

I was beginning to hear the presence of the monsters in my mind again and one called out to me. Zypher, the Puk I helped in Wajaom Woodlands many months ago, told me that he was was seeing Mai in one of the Riverne Sites. I questioned what he was doing there, as I have never heard of him leaving the woods before and he said that Lord Bahamut had called him, along with all the other Puk, to his side. I stood up, deciding to pay the Riverne Site a visit myself.

I made my way out of
Al'Taieu, through Tavnazian Safehold, and across Misareaux Coast towards the portal leading to the Riverne Sites. When I arrived to the floating landmass I got that feeling of weakness I always get in the presence of a powerful terrestrial avatar, but this time it felt much weaker. When I got close to where the Monarch Linn was I heard a angry growl asking who was there. It was Bahamut, but he looked like Alberic again, like that time before when we were dealing with Diabolos. Behind him was Mai, who had apparently been talking with him before I got there, judging from the fact she seemed to have been cut off when he bellowed. Despite how much I hate saying and being called by it, I stated my full name but did not dare look up at the wyrm king. I feel I would have cried if I had.

The Puk chattered curiously from their hiding places as I looked around for Zypher. I eventually spotted him on one of the floating pieces of land. He looked to have gotten bigger since the last time I saw him. It was good to know that he was doing much better. The Puk began to flutter around me, landing on my shoulders, talking to each other quietly. I held out my hand to Zypher, who happily landed on it and held out his head, wanting to be scratched. While I busied myself with scratching Zypher behind one of his ears, Bahamut asked me a question, though I was only half paying attention at this point and don't remember what he or I said. I let Zypher fly back to his roost and sat down in the grass.

Bahamut noticed that I hadn't looked in his direction since I had arrived there and questioned me. I told him that I could not bare to look at Alberic's form, and only after I said this did I realize that I had said it wrong. "It is MY form." he growled loudly causing the Puk to scatter and flit off to there hiding places. It was his form right now, and I was foolish to even think otherwise. He and Mai began talking again, while I pulled my bag in front of me, taking out the wrapped crystal, and staring at it. I couldn't help but think of what Solitia had said. I looked up for a moment at Bahamut and Mai, seeing them sitting together talking reminded me of before this chaos began. Though he was not Alberic I felt at ease, if only for a second.

Putting the crystal back in my bag, I fell back into the grass behind me to stare at the darkening sky as it began filling with stars. I could hear the Puk beginning to flit about again getting ready for the night, several landing near me and one curling up close to me to sleep. I started quietly humming the tune that Alberic had been singing the other day. I trailed off eventually and began staring at the vast ocean of stars.

After a while I heard Bahamut address me and sat up quickly. He asked that I bring the crystal I had to him. I quickly fished it out of my bag and brought it over to where he sat. Bahamut carefully unwrapped the crystal and I actually got to see it for the first time, it was a smoky gray color that seemed to darken towards the center. Bahamut placed a hand over it for a moment before telling us that it was a piece of Black Magicite. He wrapped it back up, explaining that it had been drained of its emptiness, making it a vessel... He asked me if I understood as he handed it back to me, I told him I did. (The mention of the word 'vessel' still irks me...) He said that it will make a good last ditch alternative to killing him. I placed it back in my bag before heading back to where I was laying before.

I feel slightly less stress out for now. Though the thought of going up against Alberic still weighs heavily on my mind. It's peaceful up here in the
Riverne Site for the moment. I hope that we can get Alberic back to his senses. Which means I may have to fight. Thought I truly do not want to fight, I will if it means to help save the life of our beloved friend.

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