Adventures in Parenting!

Dear Journal:

The weirdest thing happened today--yes, even weirder than that time with the coeurl whisker and the naked Elvaan chick in the Hostel in Whitegate. I actually got asked for parenting advice.

I was exploring through the Windurst of 20 years ago, when I came across a screaming Mithran brat bent over a Mithran lady's knee, being soundly beaten. I stopped, rather taken aback yet a little intrigued as well--I mean, really, this isn't something you see every day playing out on the street. The street of twenty years ago, I mean. So maybe it was something you saw every day twenty years ago. I was certainly never beaten by my dad or anything when I was that age. I ran pretty fast, though, when the occasion warranted.

So anyway, after the beating was over, the little kitten was crying, and her mom stalked off all pissed. I followed the mom without really thinking, and next thing I knew, the lady was begging me to talk to her daughter and put her back on the straight-and-narrow.

Among things which are a Very Bad Idea are:

1. Telling Tzee Xicu the Manifest "Tits or GTFO,"
2. Playing strip Tetra Master with Mai after having indulged in Yagudo hooch,
3. Asking me for parenting help.

Still, I figured the least I could do for the little snotrag was try to guide her to the Right Path. So, I went back to little Kocco and sat down with her and shared with her my patented guide for life. Remember, these tips are copyright Alberic I Tavnazia, Ducal Copyright Office #9832984893.

Never kiss a Mithra with fleas.

Stealing is bad, but only if you get caught. Be sure to blame the one-armed man, and/or the evil monkey under your bed.

There is a reason that hooker is so cheap. Let's just say there's likely a tail involved, and it's probably not because she's Mithra.

Zilart aren't to be trusted under any circumstances, unless you happen to have their gay lover hanging around you all the time. Then, it's safe to say that you have a pretty good leverage on them if they ever decide to go apeshit crazy and blow stuff up.

The terrestrial avatars, the sleeping gods, the waking gods, the ancient spirits, the ancient races, the modern races, the future races, the beastmen, the beastwomen, and my left nut are all out only for themselves. Don't ever think otherwise. (My right nut is more magnanimous.)

No one goes to Hooters for wings.

When traveling in the Northlands, always turn in the direction of the skid, and never eat yellow snow.

And finally, don't bother with sunblock, since we're probably not gonna live long enough to get skin cancer.

Hugs and kisses,

Alberic